Quick & Dirty Read online

  BOOKS BY STUART WOODS

  F I C T I O N

  Quick & Dirty†

  Indecent Exposure†

  Fast & Loose†

  Below the Belt†

  Sex, Lies & Serious Money†

  Dishonorable Intentions†

  Family Jewels†

  Scandalous Behavior†

  Foreign Affairs†

  Naked Greed†

  Hot Pursuit†

  Insatiable Appetites†

  Paris Match†

  Cut and Thrust†

  Carnal Curiosity†

  Standup Guy†

  Doing Hard Time†

  Unintended Consequences†

  Collateral Damage†

  Severe Clear†

  Unnatural Acts†

  D.C. Dead†

  Son of Stone†

  Bel-Air Dead†

  Strategic Moves†

  Santa Fe Edge§

  Lucid Intervals†

  Kisser†

  Hothouse Orchid*

  Loitering with Intent†

  Mounting Fears‡

  Hot Mahogany†

  Santa Fe Dead§

  Beverly Hills Dead

  Shoot Him If He Runs†

  Fresh Disasters†

  Short Straw§

  Dark Harbor†

  Iron Orchid*

  Two-Dollar Bill†

  The Prince of Beverly Hills

  Reckless Abandon†

  Capital Crimes‡

  Dirty Work†

  Blood Orchid*

  The Short Forever†

  Orchid Blues*

  Cold Paradise†

  L.A. Dead†

  The Run‡

  Worst Fears Realized†

  Orchid Beach*

  Swimming to Catalina†

  Dead in the Water†

  Dirt†

  Choke

  Imperfect Strangers

  Heat

  Dead Eyes

  L.A. Times

  Santa Fe Rules§

  New York Dead†

  Palindrome

  Grass Roots‡

  White Cargo

  Deep Lie‡

  Under the Lake

  Run Before the Wind‡

  Chiefs‡

  COAUTHORED BOOKS

  Barely Legal††

  (with Parnell Hall)

  Smooth Operator**

  (with Parnell Hall)

  T R A V E L

  A Romantic’s Guide to the Country Inns of Britain and Ireland (1979)

  M E M O I R

  Blue Water, Green Skipper

  *A Holly Barker Novel

  †A Stone Barrington Novel

  ‡A Will Lee Novel

  §An Ed Eagle Novel

  **A Teddy Fay Novel

  ††A Herbie Fisher Novel

  G. P. PUTNAM’S SONS

  Publishers Since 1838

  An imprint of Penguin Random House LLC

  375 Hudson Street

  New York, New York 10014

  Copyright © 2017 by Stuart Woods

  Penguin supports copyright. Copyright fuels creativity, encourages diverse voices, promotes free speech, and creates a vibrant culture. Thank you for buying an authorized edition of this book and for complying with copyright laws by not reproducing, scanning, or distributing any part of it in any form without permission. You are supporting writers and allowing Penguin to continue to publish books for every reader.

  Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data

  Names: Woods, Stuart, author.

  Title: Quick & dirty / Stuart Woods.

  Other titles: Quick and dirty

  Description: New York : G. P. Putnam’s Sons, 2017. | Series: A Stone Barrington novel ; 43

  Identifiers: LCCN 2017018244 | ISBN 9780735217140 (hardcover) | ISBN 9780735217164 (ebook)

  Subjects: LCSH: Barrington, Stone (Fictitious character)—Fiction. | BISAC:FICTION / Action & Adventure. | FICTION / Suspense. | FICTION / Thrillers.| GSAFD: Suspense fiction.

  Classification: LCC PS3573.O642 Q53 2017 | DDC 813/.54—dc23

  LC record available at https://lccn.loc.gov/2017018244

  p. cm.

  This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places, and incidents either are the product of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously, and any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, businesses, companies, events, or locales is entirely coincidental.

  Version_1

  CONTENTS

  Books by Stuart Woods

  Title Page

  Copyright

  Chapter 1

  Chapter 2

  Chapter 3

  Chapter 4

  Chapter 5

  Chapter 6

  Chapter 7

  Chapter 8

  Chapter 9

  Chapter 10

  Chapter 11

  Chapter 12

  Chapter 13

  Chapter 14

  Chapter 15

  Chapter 16

  Chapter 17

  Chapter 18

  Chapter 19

  Chapter 20

  Chapter 21

  Chapter 22

  Chapter 23

  Chapter 24

  Chapter 25

  Chapter 26

  Chapter 27

  Chapter 28

  Chapter 29

  Chapter 30

  Chapter 31

  Chapter 32

  Chapter 33

  Chapter 34

  Chapter 35

  Chapter 36

  Chapter 37

  Chapter 38

  Chapter 39

  Chapter 40

  Chapter 41

  Chapter 42

  Chapter 43

  Chapter 44

  Chapter 45

  Chapter 46

  Chapter 47

  Chapter 48

  Chapter 49

  Chapter 50

  Chapter 51

  Chapter 52

  Chapter 53

  Chapter 54

  Chapter 55

  Chapter 56

  Chapter 57

  Chapter 58

  Chapter 59

  Chapter 60

  Acknowledgments

  Author’s Note

  About the Author

  1

  STONE BARRINGTON DEPARTED the Carlyle Hotel on Madison Avenue at Seventy-sixth Street and slipped from under the Seventy-sixth Street awning into his waiting car. He had had a business lunch after departing the United Nations, where his close friend Secretary of State Holly Barker had given a well-received speech. A heavy rain was falling, and he could hardly see across the street.

  “Can you see to drive, Fred?” he asked his factotum, Fred Flicker.

  “Only just, sir,” Fred replied. “I’ll go slowly.”

  “As you wish.” Stone found his unfinished New York Times crossword on the seat next to him. It was quite dark outside, and he switched on the reading light and started to work.

  Traffic was slow. He saw a figure in black jogging toward Park Avenue with something in his hand, Stone couldn’t tell what, and he went back to his puzzle.

  They had reached Park Avenue, but just as they did the light turned red, and since the
re is no right turn on red in New York City, Fred waited for it to change.

  A dark blur appeared to his right in Stone’s peripheral vision, but before he could turn to look at it, something struck the side window of the car with a heavy blow, and the vehicle shook slightly. As he turned he saw the figure in black seeming to bounce off his car and fall into the street. He peered out the window at the figure, who was scrambling to his feet, and noted that he carried a sledgehammer.

  Then, from behind him, came another blow to the car, then one to the left rear window. Finally, the figure on Stone’s side had another go, with similar results. This time a star appeared in the window glass.

  Fred was turning to look at him. “What’s happening?” he asked.

  “Never mind the light, Fred, take a right quickly.”

  Fred did so, just as the light changed, and he was able to drive the length of the block before encountering another red light on Park. Stone looked over his shoulder and saw three dark figures bearing sledgehammers trotting toward the car. “Never mind the light, Fred, GO!” Stone shouted for emphasis.

  Fred went and got lucky, sailing through the empty intersection. All the lights on Park turned green, and he made it to Fifty-seventh Street before they turned red again.

  “What the hell?” Fred asked.

  “Beats me,” Stone said. “Drop me at the house, then take this over to the Strategic Services garage on Twelfth Avenue and ask them to replace my window. The other two seem to have survived intact.” Stone had bought the car, already armored, from Strategic Services, the second-largest security company in the United States.

  Fred pulled into the garage in Turtle Bay so Stone wouldn’t get wet. “Shall I wait for the car, sir, while they repair it?”

  “Yes, if they have the window in stock and can do it immediately. If not, just wait until the rain stops, then leave the car and take a cab back.”

  “Yes, sir.” Fred pulled out of the garage and turned west as the door closed behind him.

  Stone took the crossword with him into his adjacent office, where his phone was ringing. His secretary was nowhere to be seen, so he picked it up. “Stone Barrington.”

  “It’s Dino.” Dino Bacchetti had been Stone’s detective partner many years before when they were both on the NYPD; by now, he had risen to the heights of commissioner of police. “Dinner tonight? Patroon at seven-thirty?”

  “Sure. Funny you should ring—I need a policeman.”

  “Somebody take a shot at you?”

  “No, but three men with sledgehammers attacked my car at Park and Seventy-sixth.”

  “Did you say ‘sledgehammers’?”

  “I did.”

  “Did you have anything to drink at lunch?”

  “They were sledgehammers, Dino.”

  “Any damage?”

  “One cracked window. Fred is having it replaced at the Strategic Services shop.”

  “That’s right, you’ve got armored glass, haven’t you? Nice to know it works.”

  “Yes, it is.”

  “Do you think they were after you?”

  “I think I could be forgiven for believing that, but I’ve no idea why anyone would want to beat me or my car to death with sledgehammers.”

  “Maybe it’s not you they were after, maybe it’s the Bentley.”

  “I’m not aware of any organized hatred of Bentleys in New York, are you?”

  “Give me some time, I’ll see if there were any other attacks on English luxury cars today.”

  “Take all the time you like,” Stone said.

  “Oh, where were you coming from?”

  “The Carlyle. I had lunch there with Bill Eggers and a client.”

  “Didn’t you go to the UN this morning?”

  “Yes, the lunch was after Holly had departed for Washington. I drove her to the heliport.”

  “What does Bill drive?”

  “A black Lincoln from a car service, I think.”

  “How about the client?”

  “No idea. I met him in the dining room.”

  “Talk to you later.” Dino hung up.

  Joan, his secretary, returned from somewhere with a shopping bag. “Sorry I wasn’t in when you got back. I needed some office supplies. Did anyone call?”

  “Just Dino.”

  • • •

  STONE TURNED UP at Patroon on time and found Dino’s black SUV parked outside with a policeman asleep at the wheel.

  Dino had already ordered drinks for the two of them, and Stone slid into the booth. The drinks came, and glasses were raised.

  “Well, you’re not crazy,” Dino said.

  “I’m relieved to hear it.”

  “Two other Bentleys and a Rolls were attacked within six blocks and inside of an hour of your run-in.”

  “Anybody hurt?”

  “Yours was the only one with armoring. The others ended up with a backseat full of glass, but the only passenger was in the Rolls, and he suffered some scratches from flying glass.”

  “Anybody I know?”

  “Some guy from the Argentinian UN Consulate.”

  “So it’s an attack on expensive English cars?” Stone asked.

  “More likely an attack on just expensive.”

  “Any Mercedes or BMWs get the treatment?”

  “Nothing reported.”

  “Then, on the available evidence . . .”

  “Did you get a description?” Dino asked.

  “A Ninja with a sledgehammer.”

  “That’s it?”

  “It was raining heavily, and all three men—I guess they were men—were dressed entirely in black.”

  “Leather?”

  “Might have been something waterproof, given the weather. Did you check the hardware stores to see if anybody had bought three sledgehammers?”

  “We didn’t think of that,” Dino replied.

  “Well, New York’s finest can’t think of everything, can you?”

  “Almost everything.”

  “I guess that’s almost enough,” Stone replied.

  2

  DINO CALLED THE FOLLOWING MORNING the moment Stone sat down at his desk. “Did you see the Times coverage of Holly’s speech this morning?”

  “I did—overwhelmingly positive, I’d say.”

  “Me, too. Did you see Gloria Parsons’s op-ed piece?”

  “I haven’t gotten that far yet. What the hell is Gloria doing on the Times op-ed page?”

  “Her boyfriend the ex-governor’s influence, I expect. Also, the woman is a good writer.”

  “What did she have to say?”

  “Read it for yourself. By the way, your guess was inspired,” Dino said.

  “Guess?”

  “About the sledgehammers. A woman visited a hardware store on Third Avenue in the Twenties and bought three sledgehammers.”

  “They had to get them somewhere.”

  “She was about five-eight, a hundred and forty pounds, fairly short, dark hair, age thirty to forty, wearing a trench coat over black pants.”

  “Did she pay by credit card?”

  “That would be too easy. She paid cash.”

  “Did the store deliver them?”

  “No, she bought a canvas carryall and took them away in that.”

  “So you’re stuck.”

  “Every cop on the East Side, upper and lower, is looking for people dressed in black, carrying a sledgehammer.”

  “Brilliant police work.”

  “It will be if they spot somebody matching the description. Did you see any of these people before they started banging on your car?”

  “Yes, come to think of it. As I left the Carlyle I saw somebody dressed in black—I assumed it was some sort of rainwear—and carrying something, though I couldn�
��t tell what, it was raining so hard.”

  “Headed toward Park?”

  “Yes, on the downtown side of the street. Does that matter?”

  “I have no idea, I’m just being thorough.”

  “Have you had any reports of further Bentley abuse today?”

  “Not yet, but I’ve had a hot call from the Bentley distributor, demanding action. Nothing from the Rolls people.”

  Stone laughed.

  “Did you get your car fixed?” Dino asked.

  “Yes, it took a couple of hours, but Strategic Services came up with a window and installed it. The other two windows were unmarked. The workman said they should have used a pickax.”

  “Why?”

  “Because a pickax is pointed, and it would have had a better chance of penetrating the armored glass because it would have concentrated the force into a smaller area than a sledgehammer.”

  “Shall I put out an APB on people buying pickaxes?”

  “Why not? Anything at all on the woman who bought the sledgehammers?”

  “No, the store said she wasn’t a regular customer.”

  “After all, how many sledgehammers does a girl need?”

  “Only three, apparently. I guess they last awhile. Is there anything else your police department can do for you today?”

  “Nope. Keep up the good work.”

  Dino hung up.

  Joan came in with the New York Post and put it on his desk. “Your incident of yesterday made the Post,” she said.

  LUXURY CARS ATTACKED WITH SLEDGEHAMMERS!, the headline screamed. The article was short, though, and there was no theory on why.

  “I guess the Times ignored it,” Stone said. “At least, I didn’t see anything about it.”

  “Not shocking enough,” she said, then went back to her desk.

  A little farther inside the Post was an editorial on Holly’s appearance at the UN. WOUNDED MADAM SECRETARY KNOCKS ONE OUT OF THE PARK, read the headline, and all two paragraphs were entirely favorable. “Have we got a President-in-the-making here?” it finished. Stone reflected that Dino thought the bullet was meant for him, not Holly. The ex-con gunman, shot by Fred, had not been found to have a motive to shoot either Stone or Holly, and the case had petered out.

  Stone picked up the Times and turned to the op-ed page. There was Gloria’s piece. “Barker throws her shoulder into the ring?” read the lead. Stone read on:

  “Secretary of State Holly Barker, substituting at the UN for the President, brought the General Assembly to its collective feet when she appeared with her arm in a sling, albeit a silken one from Hermès. This is surely the first time a wounded Cabinet member has risen from a hospital bed after an assassination attempt to address the world. It must be something like the reception Abraham Lincoln would have received in Congress had his wound been to the shoulder, instead of to the head.